Poverty is uncomfortable; but nine times out of ten the best thing that can happen to a young man is to be tossed overboard and compelled to sink or swim. – James A. Garfield

In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity. – Ambrose Bierce

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There’s just one problem - it’s in North Korea. – John Stewart

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. – Theodore Roosevelt

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; in practice, there is. – Chuck Reid

There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way. – Christopher Morley

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life. – Terry Pratchett

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. – H. L. Mencken

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best. – Oscar Wilde