I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, ‘toys not included.’ – Bernard Manning

This has been the saddest day of my life. – Senator Ted Stevens, (R-Alaska), on the demise of legislation to open ANWR to oil exploration

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. – Joan Rivers

I would have preferred it if he’d followed his original ambition and become an architect. – Paula Hitler, Hitler’s younger sister, during an interview with a U.S. intelligence operative in late 1945

Public sentiment is everything. With public sentiment, nothing can fail; without it nothing can succeed. – Abraham Lincoln, 1858

We hear of the conversion of water into wine at the marriage in Cana as of a miracle. But this conversion is, through the goodness of God, made every day before our eyes. Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards, and which incorporates itself with the grapes, to be changed into wine; a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy. – Benjamin Franklin

We have the right as individuals to give away as much of our own money as we please in charity; but as members of Congress we have no right to appropriate a dollar of the public money. – Davy Crockett, US Representative from Tennessee

When an actor comes to me and wants to discuss his character, I say ‘It’s in the script.’ If he says, ‘But what’s my motivation?,’ I say, ‘Your salary.’ – Alfred Hitchcock

I like children - properly cooked. – W.C. Fields

The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it. – George Orwell

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it. – Rodney Dangerfield

No nation was ever ruined by trade. – Benjamin Franklin

If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age. – George Burns

The will is the strong blind man who carries on his shoulders the lame man who can see. – Arthur Schopenhauer

It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English – up to fifty words used in correct context – no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese. – Carl Sagan

I have too much respect for the idea of God to make it responsible for such an absurd world. – Georges Duhamel