If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. – Henry Youngman

What’s the quickest way to become a millionaire? Borrow fivers off everyone you meet. – Richard Branson

Better murder an infant in its cradle than nurse an unacted desire. – William Blake

As is our confidence, so is our capacity. – William Hazlitt

It’s going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth after they inherit it. – Kin Hubbard

The dead-tree boys must be shaking in their boots. We now have the money we need to complete our vision of crushing the old-line media behemoths. – TheStreet.com co-founder Jim Cramer, in a May 1998 press release

I am just going outside and may be some time. – Captain Lawrence Oates, British explorer of the Antarctic, last words

There are only two kinds of freedom in the world; the freedom of the rich and powerful, and the freedom of the artist and the monk who renounces possessions. – Anais Nin

I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants. – A. Whitney Brown

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. – Alex Levin

It bothers me and I ignore it. They’re not McMansions, they’re mansions. The “Mc” is a prefix put there by those who haven’t got one. – Toll Brothers CEO Robert Toll

A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home. – Rodney Dangerfield

The public be damned. – William Henry Vanderbilt, when asked by a reporter whether railroads should be run for the public benefit.

Diversification is a hedge for ignorance. – William J. O’Neil

If you were my husband, I’d put arsenic in your coffee. – Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

If you were my wife, I would drink it. – His reply

The greatest minds are capable of the greatest vices as well as of the greatest virtues. – Rene Descartes

F**k you. Strong letter to follow. – Doug Thompson, publisher of Capitol Hill Blue, responding to one of the FBI’s National Security Letters demanding traffic data, payment records, and other Web site info along with personal information on him. (Asterisks not in original.)

This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous. And having said that, all options are on the table. – President Bush, February 25, 2005

If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. – George Bernard Shaw

If God had wanted us to filter our beer, he wouldn’t have given us livers. – Larry Bell

He who has begun has half done. Dare to be wise; begin. – Horace

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. – Henry Youngman