If the wind will not serve, take to the oars. – Latin Proverb

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so.
– Josh Billings

Charlie McCarthy: “Say, Mr. Fields, I read in the paper where you consumed two quarts of liquor a day. What would your father think about that?”

W.C. Fields: “He’d think I was a sissy.”

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. – Voltaire

I know you’ve come to kill me. Shoot, coward, you are only going to kill a man. – Ernesto “Che” Guevara, last words

Business opportunities are like buses, there’s always another one coming. – Richard Branson

You lose. – President Calvin Coolidge, to a dinner guest who told him she had bet she could get at least three words of conversation from him.

Ah, Monday morning. Time to pay for your two days of debauchery, you hungover drones. – Mr. Burns, The Simpsons

I saw a billboard for the lottery. It said, “Estimated lottery jackpot 55 million dollars.” I did not know that was estimated. That would suck if you won and they said, “Oh, we were off by two zeroes. We estimate that you are angry!” – Mitch Hedberg

Youth is a period of missed opportunities. – Cyril Connolly

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
– Matt Groening, Love is Hell

The best revenge is massive success. – Frank Sinatra

My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them. – Sir Winston Churchill

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. – Oscar Wilde

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man. – George Bernard Shaw

If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three. – Laurence J. Peter

Below 20, boys are too rash for flying; above 25, they are too prudent. – W.J. Abbot

Life is like a game of cards. The hand you are dealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will. – Jawaharlal Nehru

A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject. – Sir Winston Churchill

There are few sorrows, however poignant, in which a good income is of no avail. - Robert Frost